I am a Spiritual Facilitator, and some call me a Spiritual Leader, the latter is a relatively new title. In my experience as a student, and leader, even within the initiatory tradition I call home, the best leaders don’t aspire to lead, or control, they want you to be able to lead yourself, teach yourself, fill your own cup, so that you can help show others how to do it by example. My Clan-Head is one of these individuals, as well as my Archdruid, and my previous teachers, facilitators, leaders, guides – had this same intention, to help you on a self-lead journey to empowerment, with the ultimate goal that you will be a beacon to others to want to do the same, to take back their own power and to be true to themselves. There are many out there who will try and do the opposite, they will perpetuate a hierarchy of conformity and antiquated roles, by demanding that you give up your power. Spirituality requires no Leader, but there are some wonderful ones out there. I’ve learned over the years that leadership isn’t about control, power, or superficial intentions, it is about constantly working on yourself, learning and growing, to be more authentic, and true, and this cannot be faked, at least, not if you know what to look for. In the Neo-Pagan community, there are plenty of projections of control, asking you to sink into shame or expecting conformist alignment. In every workshop I teach, I give the warning to beware of someone who can claim to fix you, heal you, someone who asks you to put your power into their capable hands, this is a dangerous personality, and a toxic one.
We are indoctrinated by both passive and direct action – to play a role within society, within our family, our community from birth, and even affected by experiences our Mothers had while we were in utero. Women have certain societal expectations, as do Men, and anything outside of the Hetero-normal, compliant, and beige acceptable imaginary boundary zone is treated with disgust, and shame… and all of this is rooted in fear. When a human being is authentic, when they are their true selves, they shine, it is a kind of beacon. Authenticity is just part of good leadership, but it’s an important part. While it would totally rad if humans were bio-luminescent in this form, (and it would be easier certainly to discern who would be a good bet to hang around) the light they emit is not always obvious, you know, since we aren’t….bioluminescent. Not being bioluminescent is a bit of a drag, honestly. So! How do we know someone is going to be a decent Teacher, or a decent human in general, especially in the Pagan community, if they aren’t glow in the dark? Eventually I may make a point here, ahem.
Some “green flags” I’ve experienced in the Neo-Pagan community, and in any situation where there is facilitation or Mentoring; and try my darndest to emulate are:
*Not claiming to know everything, and not being afraid to ask questions
*Not demanding recognition or grand gestures, not expecting adoration
*Apologizing for making mistakes, which are unavoidable
*Encouraging empowerment and self-study, encouraging growth
*Asking about your boundaries, and telling you theirs
*Confrontation of problems or miscommunications, even though it sucks
*Admitting when things aren’t working, not everyone is going to fit everywhere
*Not being a Dick 🙂
*Constantly re-evaluation their own thoughts and ideas, to sink deeper into their own identity and truth
None of this is easy, and everyone screws up every now and again, but an apology and some honest self-reflection go a long way. I am not a fan of individuals who claim that you HAVE to believe the way they do, or that they have the answers and others aren’t worthwhile. Collaboration isn’t a bad thing, Teachers can learn from Students, and anyone can learn something from ANYONE. An honest perspective and good conversation is a great way to reach a higher understanding. The rambling, batty point I’m trying to arrive at; is that putting people on pedestals is not great, especially when they demand it. The ones that demand it should definitely not be in charge, especially if we are aiming for a dismantling of systems of oppression.
Mountainsong Sanctuary 